10-years ago if anyone said ANYTHING negative about being in a blended family and about their or others they knew who had challenges I would CRY, and not want to deal with them anymore. I never wanted to be around people that would take my energy, excitement and honeymoon away. I was ALWAYS a positive person and truly believed that the power of life and death are in the tongue. Until I realized, that being ignorant, being in love and hanging on to my honeymoon phase was not wise. Knowledge is not power, it is what you do with that knowledge that empowers. Being positive and ignoring the weeds is not a sustainable trait. I thrived for years believing positivity was the way to go because of all of the negativity, abuse and issues that I went through. Allowing the pain, the issues and the situations to train me into the person I was destined to be for my own growth and for what my WHOLE family needed was the best antidote that I later continue to find out. Becoming conscious is not a one stop shop, nor a course I could have taken, it is the continuous commitment that I chose to travel with.
Casey and I did so many things that the limited amount of books would tell us to do to become happy in our blended and step family. We went to conferences and even listened to our parents AND in laws. We prayed, we used our diverse ethnicities as a leverage as to why things were not working out. We were always focused on what was not going right and would find blame on the other’s child, the other spouse, the ex-spouse, or the trusted in law. We were miserable because we were going through some of the heart ache that we went through as children. We lived in this for over 6 years and thought we needed to call it quits for the sake of the children. Both Casey and I were raised in a blended family and the one thing we had was faith and tenacity. We believed that we could break the cycle and be different than what we experienced growing up. Little did we know that we were only halfway there, BELIEVING. It was when we started learning about our OWN selves that we were able to create the family and the life that we and our children deserved.
Challenges brought Casey and I closer to searching for techniques that could work for us. Soon we started to create a system that would QUICKLY get us and anyone else to become a Blended AND Brilliant Family that would THRIVE instead of just survive. We owe it to ourselves to be selfish and find the peace within us in order to work on the exterior. If I were having chest pains, I should not be worried that the toilet paper didn’t get back on the roll, the kitchen wasn’t cleaned appropriately or the step kids want to stay in their room. The pain is a symptom of me needing to find the answers for what I was feeling. Feelings are a great place to start understanding and being conscious of our actions. When we are in pain, we wince, we cry, we go to the bathroom, we DO things that align with the pain, feelings SHOW UP in our lives by the way we carry ourselves and lash out. Believing that shouting, being angry and trying to control something outside of us will take us down a longer path of healing. Ask questions, internally as to what is going on with the feeling, what do I need to learn from this, what should I do? Or simply BREATHE, in and out slowly in a quiet place. We don’t do this because we are giving the other person an excuse, or to punish ourselves because we are wrong, but to find out how I can care for myself FIRST. It is more selfish not to take care of ourselves first when there is anger, anguish or anxiety building up because out in laws, exes, or step children aren’t acting or doing what we want.
Life is too short and it is OUR birth right, for the WHOLE family to live in peace, love and harmony!